Football season ended with the mother of all upsets, upsetting to all but most football fans, of course. Dr. Ernie will not devote much more blog space to any more discussion about the game...since he still finds himself stopping in the middle of the day to once again realize what gloriousness occurred that Sunday.
However...in all the babble about the commercials, because our lives have been reduced to rooting for company ad campaigns, nobody pointed out how honest the Coca Cola commercial featuring Bill Frist and James Carville was.
Here were two guys, Frist with his red tie and flag pin, Carville with his blue tie and no flag pin (he probably hates America), going nose to nose, trying to find something they agree on.
Eventually, 30 or so seconds later, they do find something to agree on: Coca Cola.
The taste? The seductive red and white logo? The sexy bottle? Or the fact that politicians on both sides of the aisle really do agree that sucking big, fat corporate Cokes is a good thing, all the time, any time. Forget ideology, go drain a Coke.
It was honest, though I'm sure the people who made it didn't design it that way. It was an afront to anyone paying attention...if they weren't in a Coke stupor by halftime (Dr. Ernie preferred lager).
Indeed, this Coke is for you, America. They drink it down, smile, and walk off together, finding that they really are on the same side. As they waltzed off into the sunset, I thought I heard them whisper in unison: Go fuck yourself, America!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
More of the Night Nobody Came Home?
Too often, Halloween is not cold or gloomy enough to watch a horror movie. It may be unseasonably warm, a 65-degree evening, which might help the sheet-wearers in the streets but doesn't lend the same bleak aura a good January or February evening can.
Which is why a good return to Halloween III: Season of the Witch is warranted (the snow falling outside). Here's a horror movie that may warrant a good remake these days. Now 25 years old, we need a few techie tweaks and just that much more cynicism to bring this back to life. Whether it be a remake or a re-imagining (which is more like a fantasy remake of the thing that used to be your favorite movie), this one is thematically ripe for the early 21st century.
Including one of the most maniacal and maddening movie jingles ever recorded (more on the music later), Halloween III might be even more cult today if it wasn't called Halloween III. The TV age meets Stonehenge in a madman's plot to murder the children of America on Halloween night. There isn't a Why? to be found, really. There is no 'why' when a man with command of a toy factor and an unhealthy obsession with the real origins of Halloween decides to teach people that the damn holiday is not about putting on a mask and begging for candy. It's about being sacrificed in a big circle of stones (or TV monitors).
Halloween III is not, of course, a Michael Myers film. There's no Dr. Loomis, either, as he, too was burned up in that ER. Instead, Carpenter and Hill produce the film and Tommy Lee Wallace directs. And boy, has he watched a lot of Carpenter. He's got Dean Cundey as the DP, to boot, meaning the film looks great. If you liked any of Carpenter's films before this (including the Carpenter-Hill-produced and Rick Rosenthal-directed Halloween II), this has more of the same, including eerie shots of hospital hallways, eerie shots of hospital rooms, creepy masks, silouettes, and guys walking very slowly while chasing you. One of those slow-walking figures is stuntman Dick Warlock, who played an excellent Myers in II. He also zapped a casino cheater with a cattle prod in Casino, a role Dr. Ernie cited when he met Warlock in person. The film lovingly references the first two films with various shots, plenty of musical cues, but only occassionally approaches the menace. But there is some menace to be found:
A pleasant old man gleefully leads a tour through his factory before informing our hero that he plans to kill every kid in America wearing a Silver Shamrock mask at 9pm, Halloween night. At that time, he'll show the Halloween commercial with the jingle for the 10 millionth time and as the synth music speeds up, the on-screen pumpkin will flash and flash and flash until...
...until the mask crushes your head and makes bugs and snakes crawl out. Because apparently that's what happens when you craft a microchip with a bit of Stonehenge rock in it and play that freaking commercial. Conal Cochran, played by the excellent-evil-businessman Daniel O'Herlihy, well...something is bugging him about Halloween's bastardization into a crass, commercial holiday about wearing toy masks and begging for sugary treats. To play the ultimate practical joke on the kiddies, he's going to use crass commercialism (and one evil jingle), along with tiny pieces of Stonehenge to kill the children of America. Cochran's going to resurrect the 3,000 year old ritual of Samhain (and he pronounces it correctly here, unlike Loomis in II) by stealing a pillar from Stonehenge (not explained how he carted a piece of Stonehenge from England to Northern California with scants days to spare before his biggest project ever) and harnessing it's 'devastating' powers. And only the epileptics might be safe if they saw that commercial...at least their parents might actually think of turning the damn TV off.
It's a big practical joke, see? That'll teach these kids, who though it was about Snickers and Jolly Ranchers. No, it's about sacrifice...children and animals, according to Cochran. This injustice of forgetting the damn point of Samhain is so great he'll kill off his clientele to prove it. And Stonehenge...who knew it had powers that look like something from The Keep? Both films appeared in 1983, the same year as Return of the Jedi, a film with far, far superior laser beam effects (and Ewok jattering to match the Happy Happy Halloween jingle.
But no one can. And no one can stop buying the masks as they fly off the shelf and send characters looking for more in Santa Mira, Body Snatcher town, where everyone is employed by Silver Shamrock (except the locals). Seems everyone's a robot, because it's tough to get help for plans to kill every kid in America with your product. The shareholders of Silver Shamrock are nowhere to be found, though by now they've doubtlessly been replaced by suited yes-men.
Someone's head gets twisted off by Dick Warlock. A woman suffers a 'mis-fire' when she fiddles with the secret chip in one of the masks (not long after she notes the decline in quality of the mask, itself). Another woman is swapped with a droid and keeps coming at our hero, even with one arm and spewing mustard blood. Speaking of mustard blood...Daniel O'Herlihy was very good, and perhaps only Angus Scrimm could have matched his aplomb. Silver Shamrock's final business plan does seem like something from the Tall Man's realm.
"Turn it off!"
A TV blares an insane jingle...when it's cut by the station, a child robotically changes channels and finds the jingle again. And again. Consumerism, mindless and disruptive to real life and relationships. A witchcraft ritual corrupted into another American Wallet holiday. A six pack of Miller High Life. The dude from The Fog, and a cameo by Michael Myers in a (diagetic commercial for Halloween on TV. These are only a few of the elements wrapped up in the still-not-well-put-together Halloween III. But Wallace must have had fun giving us a 'Halloween' film.
Complete with music, yes. It's Carpenter and Alan Howarth again, tinkering on the synths while watching the film, giving us a completely synth score with plenty of eerie cues and ominous rumblings. Think all of Carpenter's score up to this point...including Christine (the same year). And a few more keyboards. Very excellent, and very unavailable for some time until Buysoundtrax.com re-issued it last year in expanded format. So as Dr. Ernie dusts off the old Varese release, he reaches for the credit card, and somewhere in the distance someone is screaming, "Turn it off!"
Which is why a good return to Halloween III: Season of the Witch is warranted (the snow falling outside). Here's a horror movie that may warrant a good remake these days. Now 25 years old, we need a few techie tweaks and just that much more cynicism to bring this back to life. Whether it be a remake or a re-imagining (which is more like a fantasy remake of the thing that used to be your favorite movie), this one is thematically ripe for the early 21st century.
Including one of the most maniacal and maddening movie jingles ever recorded (more on the music later), Halloween III might be even more cult today if it wasn't called Halloween III. The TV age meets Stonehenge in a madman's plot to murder the children of America on Halloween night. There isn't a Why? to be found, really. There is no 'why' when a man with command of a toy factor and an unhealthy obsession with the real origins of Halloween decides to teach people that the damn holiday is not about putting on a mask and begging for candy. It's about being sacrificed in a big circle of stones (or TV monitors).
Halloween III is not, of course, a Michael Myers film. There's no Dr. Loomis, either, as he, too was burned up in that ER. Instead, Carpenter and Hill produce the film and Tommy Lee Wallace directs. And boy, has he watched a lot of Carpenter. He's got Dean Cundey as the DP, to boot, meaning the film looks great. If you liked any of Carpenter's films before this (including the Carpenter-Hill-produced and Rick Rosenthal-directed Halloween II), this has more of the same, including eerie shots of hospital hallways, eerie shots of hospital rooms, creepy masks, silouettes, and guys walking very slowly while chasing you. One of those slow-walking figures is stuntman Dick Warlock, who played an excellent Myers in II. He also zapped a casino cheater with a cattle prod in Casino, a role Dr. Ernie cited when he met Warlock in person. The film lovingly references the first two films with various shots, plenty of musical cues, but only occassionally approaches the menace. But there is some menace to be found:
- Where is everyone in that town?
- An old women knitting in a rocking chair...is she real?
- A product demo from hell in the toy factory's 'test' facility
- Phone calls that go nowhere
- That damn Halloween jingle...
Two more days till Halloween, Hallowee, Halloween,
Two more days till Halloween, Hallowee, Halloween,
Sil-ver Shamrock!
A pleasant old man gleefully leads a tour through his factory before informing our hero that he plans to kill every kid in America wearing a Silver Shamrock mask at 9pm, Halloween night. At that time, he'll show the Halloween commercial with the jingle for the 10 millionth time and as the synth music speeds up, the on-screen pumpkin will flash and flash and flash until...
...until the mask crushes your head and makes bugs and snakes crawl out. Because apparently that's what happens when you craft a microchip with a bit of Stonehenge rock in it and play that freaking commercial. Conal Cochran, played by the excellent-evil-businessman Daniel O'Herlihy, well...something is bugging him about Halloween's bastardization into a crass, commercial holiday about wearing toy masks and begging for sugary treats. To play the ultimate practical joke on the kiddies, he's going to use crass commercialism (and one evil jingle), along with tiny pieces of Stonehenge to kill the children of America. Cochran's going to resurrect the 3,000 year old ritual of Samhain (and he pronounces it correctly here, unlike Loomis in II) by stealing a pillar from Stonehenge (not explained how he carted a piece of Stonehenge from England to Northern California with scants days to spare before his biggest project ever) and harnessing it's 'devastating' powers. And only the epileptics might be safe if they saw that commercial...at least their parents might actually think of turning the damn TV off.
It's a big practical joke, see? That'll teach these kids, who though it was about Snickers and Jolly Ranchers. No, it's about sacrifice...children and animals, according to Cochran. This injustice of forgetting the damn point of Samhain is so great he'll kill off his clientele to prove it. And Stonehenge...who knew it had powers that look like something from The Keep? Both films appeared in 1983, the same year as Return of the Jedi, a film with far, far superior laser beam effects (and Ewok jattering to match the Happy Happy Halloween jingle.
But no one can. And no one can stop buying the masks as they fly off the shelf and send characters looking for more in Santa Mira, Body Snatcher town, where everyone is employed by Silver Shamrock (except the locals). Seems everyone's a robot, because it's tough to get help for plans to kill every kid in America with your product. The shareholders of Silver Shamrock are nowhere to be found, though by now they've doubtlessly been replaced by suited yes-men.
Someone's head gets twisted off by Dick Warlock. A woman suffers a 'mis-fire' when she fiddles with the secret chip in one of the masks (not long after she notes the decline in quality of the mask, itself). Another woman is swapped with a droid and keeps coming at our hero, even with one arm and spewing mustard blood. Speaking of mustard blood...Daniel O'Herlihy was very good, and perhaps only Angus Scrimm could have matched his aplomb. Silver Shamrock's final business plan does seem like something from the Tall Man's realm.
"Turn it off!"
A TV blares an insane jingle...when it's cut by the station, a child robotically changes channels and finds the jingle again. And again. Consumerism, mindless and disruptive to real life and relationships. A witchcraft ritual corrupted into another American Wallet holiday. A six pack of Miller High Life. The dude from The Fog, and a cameo by Michael Myers in a (diagetic commercial for Halloween on TV. These are only a few of the elements wrapped up in the still-not-well-put-together Halloween III. But Wallace must have had fun giving us a 'Halloween' film.
Complete with music, yes. It's Carpenter and Alan Howarth again, tinkering on the synths while watching the film, giving us a completely synth score with plenty of eerie cues and ominous rumblings. Think all of Carpenter's score up to this point...including Christine (the same year). And a few more keyboards. Very excellent, and very unavailable for some time until Buysoundtrax.com re-issued it last year in expanded format. So as Dr. Ernie dusts off the old Varese release, he reaches for the credit card, and somewhere in the distance someone is screaming, "Turn it off!"
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